cleanjim

cleanjim @ 2006-06-15T09:37:00

2006-06-15T13:37:12Z

cleanjim @ 2006-06-14T12:52:00

2006-06-14T16:52:18Z

wheeling around

2006-06-11T20:08:58Z

Went out to see Sal last night at Alibi. David was there so I had to leave. It's upsetting to have to leave somewhere. I wasn't having a very good time anyway.

Been hanging out with Fred the last few days. nice guy. French.

Miss Jason today. his sense of humour is always grand. Lately it's been a stream of fights when he';s around and he continues to remind me that things are not going to always be like this. his reminder only serves as a reminder that things ARAE not alright which I'm sureis nothis intent, but I don't know how to express myself with out being or sounding angry.

worked on a drawing today while watching THE NEW WORLD.

Keving tricked with a guy I know which is kinda wierd tohave someone you know in your house coming over for the sole purpoose of having sex. I know his partner too. I don't knwo if they have an open relatioship.

Wa sin bed by 1"30 last ngiht and slept in until noon which was nice. I' haven't done that In a very long time.

I'm supposed to be going to the Beefball with Jean-Francois from MTL for pride and I just hope David isn't going. IT's all very ugly.

Enjoying my room turned into a frat space. the bed against the wall is very differnt.

Fred woke up at midnight last night and went home and I went out.

I'm not in the least bit horny but I'm sure I'll end up doing something like have sex .. it's all ratherchiuldish. I feel obligated.

I ran into Terric last night - he was with lester. Terric remarkeed that I looked happier. I've lost some weight and I' haven't done drungs in almost 2 months or had anythign to drink.

I need ot get back the gym
Kevin bought new protien shake stuff, but it's chocolate - I dislike it susally so who knows. maybe I'll have some now and feel better. I feel kinda blah. I guess some sun will be good for me.

I want this litigatiuon shit to be over with.

I saw David's friend last night, Greg. He gave me a big smile and hello and I think he didn't relaize it was me. I smiled back.

I'm really very hurt.

a spoon full of sugar

2006-06-09T14:12:21Z

Reading about the work if Eric Berne and listening to Death Cab For Cutie.

Drew revered images of a model in leather last night curled up with his head on the floor and his hands behind his back. IT kind of looks like a butterfly. I put a blue halow around his head but then eraced his head so there is a space where it should be. He is no man. I used ornad and blue guache for his leather shirt and chaps and boots. It reminded me of the ornange overalls I had to wear when i was in jail.

I went for dinner with Fred last night and then took him to the beach and we sat under the moon at the waters eadge and he put his head in my lap and he talked about how there seems to be two of me. One who is calm and kind and gentle, who loves to cuddle and is at peace. and the other who is hard and sharp and mean and loud and talkes to everyone on the street. I told him that this is not the first time I had heard this. David said he watched me change personalities from the car to the bar. I thought of Jason and how he said he didn't like being around me in public. Men like my attention and seem unpset if i pay anyone else attention. i do not understand in really. I don't know what to do abot it expect to try to be more mindful of it.

I'm lonely most days. I've started talking to someone about art who is an established artist who has written books and who shows internationally. and he liked my work. it'w as really encouraging.

I liked the idea of drawing men in bondage in prison uniforms. it's like a government bondage. and I like that thein inage in revers and duplicated makes a butterfly. I may go back into the daring sna put five-count strokes in behind to create a spece for the inmage to exist as it seems verry barren right night.

I don't bother to spell check this cuase I don't give a shit. this is really for me. if it gained an audience then it's i completely by mistake.

la la la la la. - billy bragg.